As hippie as I want to be

Photo my son took of me being domestic

I’m not, that is, as hippie as I want to be. In my daydreams I am in an old cabin in the woods, tending my large garden of vegetables and fruits, writing books about health, tending my chickens, hanging out my laundry, and having a grand ole time with my family (in this parallel world we rarely watch TV and I am 30 pounds lighter, of course). But this is not the reality I’ve created for myself – at least not yet. Instead I am renting a condo outside DC, enjoying a well-paying part-time job in the mornings, and afternoons with my preschooler. Evenings and weekends are for homework, going to class or the gym, or catching a moment with my husband. This leaves me with little time to devote to all the homemade/from scratch/money-saving/environmentally friendly/non-screen-based activities/crafts/cooking/baking, etc. If I make dinner from scratch two days a week I’m lucky. It’s not like we’re ordering out, we just have leftovers or quick meals like a Newman’s Own pizza or microwave steam-able veggies and rice. I love sewing and baking – when I was a stay-at-home mom I baked fresh oatmeal bread every Sunday and dinner from scratch nearly every night. I had a veggie garden (that was unfortunately too shady to produce much more than tons of sugar snap peas.) But I was also depressed, unfulfilled, and resentful. I know I need to work, for everyone’s sake. I am a much nicer person to be around if I have time to converse with adults and feel like I’m contributing something to society.

Maybe it’s also that I wasn’t very good at some of the hippie things I tried while I stayed at home. My attempts to make homemade yogurt, freezer jam, and Indian cheese cubes all failed miserably. My garden didn’t have enough sun, and my hanging strawberry baskets were all cleaned out by critters before we ever got to them. I did make some darn good fresh pesto with the herbs I grew, though. My sewing machine is glitchy, so I avoid sewing as much as possible. I sometimes feel bad that I’m not the hippie of my dreams, that apparently I’m interested in modern homesteading as a hobby or appreciate it as an ideal, not as a way of life. It’s something to live up to, like when after my husband leafs through Mother Earth News he’s convinced he can build us our very own dream cottage from found wood, stone and packed earth insulation. That would be awesome, but it’s not going to happen.

No matter what my situation, I always aim to live simply, eat organic as much as I can afford, reuse things or extend their lifespan, and frequent the thrift store. So I occasionally “think outside the bun” and enjoy watching TV – I’m going to try not to beat myself up over it. I’ll be a better hippie one day. For now, I’m as hippie as I can be.