Can't Win For Losing

 (Photo by C. Ian Campbell, depicting the source of the most joy - and stress - in my life.)

Stress. It's that unhealthy thing we all have in our lives that we do have some nature of control over. I think I'm a closet sufferer. That is, I feel stressed quite often, but feel like as a mostly stay-at-home mom I shouldn't be stressed. The fact that I am not meeting this unrealistic expectation of stresslessness is no doubt adding to my stress. I feel like my stress comes from being very hard on myself on a daily basis. I think about all the fruits and vegetables I haven't eaten today, I think about all the writing I haven't gotten around to, I think about not being creatively playful enough with my son, I think about all the money I'm not making by being at home, I think about all the exercise I didn't do, about all the chores I haven't done around the house. I realize now that all this worrying and obsessing about being healthy, living well and being a good parent is only serving to make me unhealthier and unhappier. According to Prevention magazine, I'm not alone. It actually lists perfectionism as a cause of stress. Who knew?

Stress has been linked with a variety of physical ailments from headache to depression to symptoms that mimic a heart attack. The balance between stressors and your ability to cope with them, however, can determine your mental health. When the stressors in your life meet your coping abilities, you feel stimulated, engaged and appropriately challenged. Too many stressors in your life that overwhelm your attempts to cope, however, can result in depression or anxiety.

During stress, hormones including adrenaline and cortisol flood the body, resulting in:

• an increased need for oxygen
  
• increased heart rate and blood pressure
  
• tensed muscles
  
• increased blood sugar levels
  
• spilling of stored fat from cells into the bloodstream
  
• constriction of bowel and intestinal muscles
  

All this can strain your heart and artery linings. ... Stress can also cause what has been termed "toxic weight gain." Cortisol, a hormone released when you're under stress, is an appetite trigger. That's why so many women eat more - and less-than-healthy food - when under a lot of stress. Those extra calories are converted to fat deposits that gravitate to the waistline. These fat deposits, called visceral fat, are associated with life-threatening illnesses such as heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke and cancer. Chronically high levels of cortisol may stimulate the fat cells inside the abdomen to fill with more fat. As you age, this expanding waistline can be life threatening.
Too much stress can also affect your immune system, weakening it and making you more susceptible to colds, coughs and infections.
 -Prevention on stress

I've been killing myself in the name of health. So with this in mind I now will strive to be more mindful - to be easier on myself. I can attempt to be a better person without that making me miserable. I can wake up with intentions for the day, but try my best not to beat myself up about whether I've achieved all I wanted at the end of that day. I can always try again tomorrow.